[Corp. Watch] When corporations cry

[Corporation Watch]

The Wells Fargo Wagon Ain't Comin'

  By Jon Carroll

(SF Chronicle, Feb. 11) -- Perhaps you saw the full-page Wells Fargo  
ad in the newspaper over the weekend. It was heartbreaking.

	It was all about how the evil, one-sided media had made the  
corporation cancel its "employee recognition event," which apparently  
is corporate-speak for a four-day trip to Las Vegas, specifically to  
the spiffy Wynn hotel and its "twin," the Encore.

	The event was for "top performers" in various departments. The one in  
Vegas was specifically for "our terrific mortgage team that helped us  
originate $230 billion in loans last year."

	One can't help but wonder how many of these loans are being repaid,  
partly because Wells Fargo was in enough financial distress to qualify  
(if that's the word) for $25 billion in TARP bail-out funds. That  
money was undoubtedly useful when Wells Fargo turned around and  
acquired Wachovia Corp.

	Were any actual customers helped? No, Wells Fargo does not hold  
"recognition events" for its customers, the people who actually pay  
the interest and, oh yes, the taxes that went into the bail-out.  
Sometimes the customers get a free candy cane, though, and who doesn't  
like candy?

	I've talked to people who've been to these "recognition events,"  
which under various names are common throughout the corporate world.  
Often they involve an inspirational speaker, seminars that allow top  
managers to congratulate themselves and hand out plaques to various  
people who'd much rather have a raise, and "team-building events,"  
like trust exercises or, in the case of one Bank of America outing, a  
mandatory "Olympics" of various loopy games, all played outdoors in  
Scottsdale, Arizona, in 100-degree heat.

	Nothing like dehydration as a bonding experience.

	But of course there's lots of time for drinking, eating, swimming,  
unwise one-night stands, inappropriate inebriated rants within earshot  
of the wrong people, and perhaps a little minor property damage.

	In my experience, most employees actually consider these "fun events"  
a chore and would much rather be fishing for trout somewhere far away  
from every other co-worker.

	But let's get back to the corporate whining, signed by John Stumpf,  
who in 2007 (according to Forbes magazine) enjoyed a total  
compensation of more than $12.5 million. But still, he's worried about  
the little people -- the tellers and phone bankers and operations  
clerks.

	"For many," he explained, these recognition events are "the only time  
in their lives that they're publicly recognized and thanked for a job  
well-done." (Then why not do it more often?)

	"This recognition energizes them," Stumpf continued. "It inspires  
them and their team members to want to create an even better  
experience for our customers. Another annual event -- which our top  
performers in community banking all looked forward to -- was to have  
been held in May. But not this year. Who loses besides our team  
members? The workers who depend on our business. The hospitality  
industry. Hotel housekeepers. Restaurant servers. The airlines."

	Stumpf's concern for the housekeepers and restaurant workers is  
touching. Maybe he could give them each an interest-free loan so they  
could buy a house. That would be a "recognition event" with teeth. Or  
maybe they'd like a plaque. Wells Fargo apparently has a few left over.

	Did I mention that Stumpf is a member of the National Republican  
Congressional Committee, an organization that tries to help  
Republicans running for national office?

	Its former treasurer was recently accused of diverting as much as $1  
million for his personal use -- maybe he just needed a recognition  
event. The committee is just not having that good a year.

	Returning to the ad: "The funds to pay for events such as these do  
not come from the government. They come from our profits."

	According to Reuters, Wells Fargo posted a loss of $255 billion for  
the last quarter of 2008. There's so much about high finance I do not  
understand.

	"Competition to be recognized makes everyone worker harder and  
smarter. ... Events such as this are the heart of our culture because  
our product is service, delivered by caring, energized, talented,  
loyal team members who earn competitive, fair wages and benefits."

	No, Mr. Stumpf, the heart of your culture is hanging on to our money.  
I don't care if the teller is sweet to me or not; I do care if my  
taxmoney has to go to helping you get over the hump when you've made a  
series of predictably unwise business decisions.

	I expect my banker to be greedy; I don't expect him to be  
shortsighted. If Wells Fargo can't get along without $25 billion from  
the government every so often, then maybe it should stop whining about  
the press and start making loans to people who can repay them.

	Maybe in the next ad, you could apologize to people for the last ad.

	I'd like to apologize to the cooks and dishwashers and maids at the  
Wynn and Encore hotels -- only those in the country legally, of course  
-- for what the media did to your pathetic little lives.