From stephen.bailey at powerlase.com Wed Nov 1 05:08:46 2006 From: stephen.bailey at powerlase.com (Stephen Bailey) Date: Wed Nov 1 08:07:08 2006 Subject: [Jokes4u] Virgin trains Message-ID: 'Does anyone have nuts or bolts to fix this train?' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If the Tannoy announcement had asked for a doctor to make themselves known on a London to Manchester train last Friday (Oct 27), passengers would probably not have been too startled. But when Virgin Trains' leaning train pulled into Rugby station, the last thing the travellers were expecting was an appeal for help to get the locomotive going again. After several minutes sitting silently at the station, a sheepish member of staff broke the silence with the announcement: "If anyone has some nuts and bolts with them will they come forward?" The super-fast Pendolino had ground to a halt because the blades on the windscreen wipers had come loose and it could not pull away until they had been fixed. Willing passengers gathered together a rudimentary tool kit and one even clambered on to the front of the engine in an attempt to get it running again, but to no avail. Hundreds of passengers on the 16.35 London Euston to Manchester Piccadilly service had to be moved to another train following behind. "We didn't know what had happened except that something was obviously wrong. The first scheduled stop was Stoke-on-Trent but we ended up at Rugby," said Damian Gaskin, a company director who was travelling home to Manchester with his two nephews after spending a day in the capital. "The announcer came on the Tannoy and asked if anyone had any nuts and bolts to come to the front of the train. "There was astonishment and mild surprise to say the least. Everybody just looked at each other. It was so unbelievable it was funny. I travel a lot and have heard some excuses in my time but I have never heard of passengers being asked for tools to help fix the train before. "She was so sincere and so apologetic you couldn't hold it against her. "For want of a nut the windscreen wiper won't work, and for want of a windscreen wiper the train can't move. And, if the train can't move there are going to be loads of trains behind us that can't move either." Mr Gaskin, 37, from Didsbury, Manchester, found some plastic cable ties and a tube of superglue in his briefcase and another passenger, who happened to be a former Network Rail engineer, volunteered to climb on to the front of the engine and fix the blade. "He had one foot on the platform and another on the front of the train and was trying his hardest to mend the windscreen wiper," said Mr Gaskin. "I thought he was a Virgin employee until I asked him what his job was. He told me he had helped reboot the electrics on another train the week before." Despite Mr Gaskin's offerings and the valiant efforts of the unnamed former engineer, they were unable to fix the train and after a delay of about an hour some 500 passengers squeezed into the next train to Manchester. Lee West, a spokesman for Virgin Trains, said: "It was a strange request but we wanted to keep the train running. It was raining and the driver couldn't have pulled off without the wipers working. "If we could have done a temporary repair job to get it to the next station an engineer would have fixed it properly." From stephen.bailey at powerlase.com Thu Nov 9 06:31:14 2006 From: stephen.bailey at powerlase.com (Stephen Bailey) Date: Thu Nov 9 06:27:47 2006 Subject: [Jokes4u] What became of... Message-ID: In 1923, Who Was: 1. President of the largest steel company? 2. President of the largest gas company? 3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 4. Greatest wheat speculator? 5. President of the Bank of International Settlements? 6. Great Bear of Wall Street? These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days. Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us if we know what ultimately became of them. The Answers: 1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper. 2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane. 3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home. 4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless. 5. The president of the Bank of International Settlements, shot himself. 6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, also committed suicide. However: in that same year, 1923, the PGA Champion and the winner of the most important golf tournament, the US Open, was Gene Sarazen. What became of him? He played golf until he was 92, died in 1999 at the age of 95. He was financially secure at the time of his death. The Moral: Sod work. Play golf.